


no more and no less

by mildlydiscouraging



Series: in every universe [7]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Domestic, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Getting Together, M/M, Meeting the Parents, Prompt Fill, can you tell what my favorite trope is?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-17
Updated: 2015-09-17
Packaged: 2018-04-21 03:54:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4813988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mildlydiscouraging/pseuds/mildlydiscouraging
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(originally posted 16/7/15 <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/4271898/chapters/9883676/">here</a>)</p><p>"Quick, I need you to date me."</p><p><b>7</b>. fake relationship au<br/><b>8</b>. roommates au</p>
            </blockquote>





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**Author's Note:**

> _[Anonymous asked](http://moonfullofstars.tumblr.com/post/124267677968/): 7 + 8 for phan?_

"Quick, I need you to date me."

Phil looks up from the pile of socks he'd been halfheartedly trying to match. He doesn't even dignify Dan with a response, only raising an eyebrow and waiting.

"Let me explain," Dan sits across from him on the sofa and starts pairing up socks as well. As he should; he never helps with laundry and Phil is always stuck doing all of it by himself.

When he doesn't say anything for several minutes, Phil waves a sock in front of his face.

"You were explaining...?"

"Right, yeah, explanation," Dan sighs and throws the socks he was holding back into the pile.

"Last Christmas my parents were pestering me about being single," he starts, "and they were trying to set me up with their friend's daughter or something, so I panicked and said I was already seeing someone."

Phil nods along, like this was a perfectly reasonable response.

"Of course, it didn't really work, since they only switched to asking who I was seeing," he continues, looking down at the unfolded laundry and fiddling with the closest sock, "and eventually I just told them the first person who came to mind, which was you."

"I'm flattered," Phil says. Dan laughs a little, which is honestly more than Phil had hoped for.

"You're welcome."

Phil goes back to folding and says, "But that doesn't explain why you came in here demanding that I date you." Dan flops over against the back of the sofa as he's still talking.

He sighs and says, "They want to come visit this weekend and they already bought train tickets and they're gonna figure out I was lying and tease me about it forever."

"So your plan is for us to pretend we're together for as long as they're here?" Phil asks.

"Will you hate me forever if it was?"

"I'll go move my stuff into your room then."

He gets tackled with a hug for his troubles, which makes it worth it already.

<+><+><+>

The problem is that Dan's parents are perfectly lovely people, if a little overbearing at times, and Phil feels bad lying to them. From the moment Dan gets the text that they've got on the train to the moment he gets the  _next_ text that they've got in the taxi, Phil's panicking.

Luckily there isn't much for him to lie about the first night. They arrive at the flat after dinner, and once they've exchanged greetings and set up their stuff in the "guest" (i.e. Phil's) room, they retire for the night.

"Do you think we passed the first challenge?" Phil asks around their second round of Mario Kart. Dan always plays Mario Kart when he feels stressed.

"I guess," he says as he slides back into the lead with a well-timed banana peel, "but they're still gonna be here three more days."

"We can pull it off," Phil leans from side to side like it will help him get out of seventh place. He knows it won't, but it distracts Dan enough that he slips up and ends the race in third.

He groans in defeat and slumps back against the sofa, his head landing on Phil's shoulder.

"Bedtime?" Dan nods, already almost asleep. He stays awake enough to follow as Phil leads him to "their" (i.e. Dan's) room, falling into bed as soon as he gets in the door. Phil follows soon after, changing into pyjama pants before curling up next to Dan and pulling the blanket over the both of them.

"It's been ages since we cuddled," Dan observes, leaning back as Phil wraps an arm around his waist. "The last time was when your mattress had practically exploded and you shared mine for like a month."

"Ah," Phil says, "sad, young Phil who couldn't afford to buy a real bed."

"Mhm," Dan hums, "it was easier when you were still taller."

He barely flinches when Phil pokes him in the side in retaliation, already most of the way back to sleep. Sighing gently, Phil pulls the blanket closer around them both and falls asleep as well.

<+><+><+>

Dan wakes up the next morning to find Phil's already gone, and when he listens closer to the ambient noise in the back of his mind, he hears the sound of the coffee maker hissing and voices drifting out of the lounge. It sounds like Phil is making polite conversation with his parents, already nailing the part of doting boyfriend; Dan dreads having to fake break up with him in the future. Maybe he won't have to.

<+><+><+>

Two minutes into breakfast and Dan's mum has already whipped out her phone with its albums of baby pictures. Humiliation is mobile now, it seems, and Phil laughs at every naked bath picture and primary school photo.

There's a distinct difference between Phil's polite laugh and his real one, the one where he starts breathing funny and his tongue pokes out and he automatically raises a hand to cover his face.

Dan knows the difference well, but when his dad says something offhand about maybe showing baby pictures of their own child one day, it's a new laugh entirely. He doesn't quite know what to make of it, but it's gentle and quiet and Phil looks down at his hands on the table as he makes it and Dan thinks it's the most beautiful thing he's ever heard.

<+><+><+>

His parents stay for an extra day when the weather gets particularly bad and there's widespread delays as trees are knocked onto train tracks.

They lose power for a bit and end up in the most competitive Scrabble game ever, gathered in a circle on the floor of the lounge. Phil comes close to building them a pillow fort, but Dan convinces him they don't have enough sheets and he concedes.

By the end of the night, Team Dan and Phil is winning three to two and Dan has slumped over onto Phil's shoulder as Phil regales his parents with the tale of that time a mouse started living in their fireplace. Dan's gotten used to the way his head fits perfectly beneath Phil's and he feels like he should worry, but its hard to care as his mum laughs too hard and Phil smiles too wide and everything feels too comfortable.

When they go to bed that night Phil doesn't hesitate when Dan's scoots backwards and opens his arms. His shirt smells like cocoa powder and their laundry detergent when Phil tucks his head under his chin and just as he's about to fall asleep, he remembers something he read once about home being a feeling more than a place. Dan can feel his smile and hopes whatever the reason was had something to do with him.

<+><+><+>

They wake up perfectly normal, Dan's parents roll their suitcases into the waiting taxi, and then they're alone again, standing in the kitchen and waiting for the coffeemaker to hurry up.

Dan is sitting on the counter, feet kicking the cabinets gently as he does something on his phone. His shirt is a little wide at the collar, loose and drapey, and Phil can't help but remember how it had felt under his cheek last night.

"Have you listened to the new One Direction song yet?" Dan asks, still not looking up from his phone.

The coffeemaker beeps and Phil nods as he shakes off the temptation to fix Dan's hair where it's fallen into his eyes. When he's finished pouring too much milk and sugar into his mug, he pushes his glasses up on his nose with the back of his wrist and cradles the mug in both hands.

He turns around and Dan has finally looked up from his phone, instead staring at him. The look on his face is the one reserved for sappy anime and accidentally watching old videos of theirs.

"Do you think I could kiss you?" He asks, nonchalant as ever, feet still swinging and phone still in hand.

It isn't hard for Phil cross the kitchen in one stride so he's standing right in front of Dan's perch on the counter. In fact, it's all too easy to let Dan slide his phone across the counter so he has both hands free to cradle Phil's face, for Phil to set down his coffee and lean in, pushing himself up a little so they're closer to the same height.

They kiss and it tastes like Dan's toothpaste and Phil's cereal that wasn't really his and both bitter and sugary coffee. It's nothing more than a simple press of lips, soft and a little difficult when Dan starts smiling slightly.

It feels like it should be more of a revelation for Phil, but the only thing new is the voice in the back of his head telling him this could've been happening the whole time, idiot.

Eventually Dan's hands slide down to fist in the collar of the sweater Phil is wearing, probably the only one in the apartment that doesn't actually belong to him. Phil has to pull back before it gets any farther, something about kitchen messes flitting through his head, and Dan smiles as he steals Phil's glasses and lets him comb inquisitive fingers through his curly hair in return.

As he lets Phil drag him down the hallway, Dan decides telling his parents he was dating his flatmate was one of his better plans. Probably his best, if he does say so himself.

**Author's Note:**

> yEAHHHH BUD all abt that fake dating lyf (title from "[people like us](https://open.spotify.com/track/5hHUzvnZqDPe4tzSvckzEj)" by deportees (spotify link btw))
> 
> prompt me here or on tumblr if you wanna see more of these!!
> 
> tumblr @[dweebhowell](http://dweebhowell.tumblr.com)


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